Parent or a Pal? Parents Are Conflicted

According to data from the 2007 Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), released by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, some parents feel conflicted in parenting their teens because they value having a strong friendship with their child. Parents’ wish to be their child’s friend and their reluctance to set rules and limits for their kids increases dramatically during the middle school years.

PATS found 36 percent of parents with kids in grades 6th-8th agree “it is very important to me that my child consider me a friend” compared to 20 percent of parents with children in 4th-5th grades.

Parents of middle school kids (6th -8th grades) are more likely than parents of elementary school children (4th-5th grades) to agree that:

I have a hard time saying “no” to my child when he/she wants to do something or go somewhere I have doubts about (37 percent vs. 18 percent).

It’s hard to tell my child not to do something if all of his/her friends’ parents allow them to do it or if other parents approve (40 percent vs. 19 percent).

Source: Businesswire
http://www.businesswire.com/portal/site/google/?ndmViewId=news_view&newsId=20080611005251&newsLang=en

This is a difficult area for some parents. The desire to have a close relationship (friendship) with children as they grow older can become a more important priority than equipping them to become responsible adults. Yet, the latter is the larger priority. A parent's job is not to be their child's best friend. Adolescence is a season of life where kids need their parents to provide guidance, and consistent discipline to help them mature into responsible adulthood. This of course, can create tension between parents and kids. It's not uncommon for parents to feel "unliked' by their kids when they employ loving, steady-handed discipline with their teens. As much as this may make a parent feel uncomfortable, it's okay. As kids reach adulthood, they'll typically come around and the friendship relationship can grow.

Comments

[Linda]

You can be your childs friend and parent.

Children need disipline.It gives them guide lines. It shows them that we care about thier actions and the out come of them. It is also important that we live up to that standard that we expect our child to perform.(actions speak louder than words) Lead by example. Most important listen!! listen whole heartedly especially if your child comes to you to talk about something. Let them have your full attention. STOP doing what ever it is your doing and just listen. Don't give advice unless asked for it. You'll find that your child will be telling their friends my Mom or dad is so awesome. I can tell them or ask them anything. Because, you see you have just been there friend and parent too!